When I was a church worm, I loved testimonial services. I desperately needed to believe that the Lord was going to rescue me, I suppose, so I attentively listened and believed what was said.

To be fair, I have to admit that most storytellers were sincere. I believe that they were honestly sharing their perception of the situation. But I have a problem with the conclusions that were reached: (1) God Did it, (2) This is a good thing, (3) The person will be happily ever after.

Let me illustrate.

A woman goes up to the podium and tells the heartbreaking story of her life. She got pregnant at 17, at which point she had to get married. At 20, she divorced the abusive father of her child because he was an alcoholic who regularly beat her.

At 21, she got pregnant again and had no choice but to move in with the guy. The relationship went sour and they eventually split up, leaving her to raise her two kids all by herself.

Then at age 27, she received Jesus in her heart. Her life changed completely. Now she had somebody to trust on. God was on her side. She could face the world now, because God was there for her.

She, however, desperately wanted a husband, to help pay the bills, to be a father to her kids, to love her and keep her company. (Apparently, God wasn’t enough after all.)

So she started to tearfully pray to God day in and day out that He would give her a husband, a good husband. After three years, she finally meets the man of her dreams. He is nice looking. He is good to her kids. He loves her to pieces. She is madly in love.

On a testimony night, she goes to the podium and she tells her story. Everyone cries, even the men have a little shine on their eyes. She is getting married, she shares, next month. Glory to God!

Among claps, amen’s, and halleluiahs, she takes a seat and glows the whole night.

Then she gets married. They are happy for a couple of months, but then he starts beating her kids. Also, he is addicted to pornography and a con artist who in church looks like a saint but has a secret private life that his wife finds repulsive.

She is in great agony now, because she is too embarrassed to tell anyone in church; after all, she stood up in front of everybody to tell them how happy she was. It would be too embarrassing now to tell then that she was wrong, that prince charming wasn’t actually a blessing but a curse.

But instead of realizing that her faith in a non-existing God led her to make a huge mistake, she blames herself. She should have known, she tells herself. How could she have been so stupid?

Her punishment for being so naïve is having to live with the phony man until he dies, because the Bible says she can’t divorce him. She confides her troubles to a pastor who reminds her that she has to remain faithful, submissive, and she has to pray because only God can help her.

But instead of giving the pastor the finger, seeing that her faith has misled her before, she trusts the pastor and continues living in misery.

---------

Many of the testimonials I heard in church proved to be nothing. The circumstances of life were misinterpreted as divine intervention and given some mystical meaning.

Jobs that were supposedly God-given turned into major mistakes, houses that were bought miraculously turned into nightmares, cheap cars resulted in huge expenses, and addiction recovery stories were short-lived fairy tales.

I know, because I was watching. I noticed that, often, the members with the most amazing stories stopped coming to church a couple of months later. I heard through the grapevine that life wasn’t treating them so well, and I kept it all in my heart.

Through the years, I came to be a skeptical listener. I would listen and think to myself, “I wonder how long before she finds out that it isn’t real?”

I am angry, would a Christian say, for my failures and those of others. Yes, I am angry, but not at God. I am angry at myself for having ruined my life trusting in random events that I attributed to God. And it also saddens me to remember all the well-meaning Christians who thought God was holding their hand and directing them toward a better life. It really is sad to admit that in trusting God, these individuals gave themselves to a life of suffering and pain.

The majority of churchgoers, however, lacking critical thinking, fail to realize that most testimonies are stories woven by the teller to sound like miracles. The faithful neglect to follow up on what was said, ignoring—intentionally or not—that most accounts turn sour shortly after.

Sometimes the devotees do hear of awful post-testimonial outcomes, but they use their well-developed, excellent justification skills to rationalize the circumstances:

• The Lord is trying to tech her something
• Like Gold, he is being refined by fire
• The Lord is teaching her to trust in Him
• There is a purpose on everything
• God will make a way, when there seems to be no way

Yes, regardless of the after-testimonial disappointing developments, believers will always find a justification. They have to, given that personal experience is what gives the religion its credibility.

¶ 5:36 PM 9 Comments Links to this post

Kerstin is alive today, her mother and brothers are making progress, thanks to the prayers of thousands of Christians for them. It's a miracle the recovery that is being made after such an unfathomable traumatic experience. It's in direct answer to prayer. Perhaps no one prayed for Elizabeth when she first disappeared, perhaps not even her mother. Why do people just accept fate? Thank God some people are praying for her and her children now.

There is so much to say about this piece of text. For starters, the poster affirms that Kerstin, the eldest daughter, is alive today, and her brothers are recovering, because they are being prayed for.

Oh, really?

All the years of university training held by the highly experienced team of nurses and doctors taking care of the family have nothing to do with it?

Why do people spend thousands of dollars going to school and studying hard, if God can do the job? All we need is prayer, huh?

Why do we have police departments and detectives, if all we need is prayer?

If Kerstin is getting better because people are praying for her, why did Neal Beagley die in the last few days? He is the 16-year-old Oregon boy who didn’t receive treatment because his family believed in faith healing.

People were not only praying for him. They gathered at his house in high numbers to pray together. But he died. Why didn’t God heal him? Did He enjoy watching the faithful wail and beg knowing that the boy would die anyway? Or is it that the God of the Bible is just a myth continually perpetuated by Christians who choose to justify the eternal absence of their God when he is more desperately needed?

The Christian poster, above, chose to justify God by believing that people weren’t praying for Elisabeth. She is content with that explanation, not stopping to think that many non Christians that are never prayed for are helped, physically and emotionally, when put in the hands of capable professionals who use both science and experience to assist them.

When the woman and her children were in the dungeon, God, apparently, chose to ignore the issue for 24 very long years, just because nobody was praying for her.

First, I doubt it that nobody was praying for her. A mother never forgets her offspring, and Elisabeth’s mother had a daily reminder of her dear daughter: she had her children. I can almost see her saying to God, “If you exist, help my daughter wherever she is.”

But God never did show up. It was only when the circumstances of life got in the way that the prisoners were released.

Second, what kind of God would be such an asshole, as not to help someone just because others aren’t asking Him to. I am sure Elisabeth cried out to Him. Why didn’t He listen? Particularly during the first few years, when the rapes were more frequent and she was down there all alone?

Doesn’t God know our thoughts? Isn’t it that He knows exactly what we need even before we ask? She walked “through the valley of the shadow of death,” but God’s rod failed to comfort her. I’ve seen nasty humans soften up when an enemy needs help. Why wouldn’t God, if he exists, rush to rescue someone who is in great pain? This makes the Omnipotent and Omniscient look pretty bad, yet, Christians choose to depict Him so terribly, just because they have no other way to justify His inactivity.

I find it amazing that Bible believers pick and choose so carefully when to claim the appearance of their God. In this particular case, the poster doesn’t blame her Lord for the years of suffering of the dungeon family. The Omnipresent surely had nothing to with it. But now that people with the skills and the good will to help them are hard at work trying to do what they can, Christians ascribe the success to their God. Said the poster, “It's a miracle the recovery that is being made after such an unfathomable traumatic experience. It's in direct answer to prayer.”

In direct answer to prayer? How can that be? Perhaps if the family was in a forgotten corner of the earth without access to medication, clean water, a roof, and expert assistance, we could say God did it. But it so happens that when the sanitary conditions are unfavourable and medical assistance unreachable, the sick usually die.

“Why do people just accept fate?” continues the poster.

I wonder so myself. They do because they’re trusting God, as did I for so many years. When we trust God, we stop working to change our destiny. We give up, because if God can’t do it, how can we, frail humans, do anything? We waste our lives waiting for Him, and He never shows. I wouldn’t be surprised if Elisabeth’s mom was just trusting that God has helping her daughter. What a shame!

I do not believe God is evil, or that He is to blame for the human disgraces. But I do believe that He doesn’t exist, as repeatedly confirmed by his failure to show when the sick, the needy, and the abused really need Him.

Labels: atheism, Christianity, dungeon dad, Elizabeth Fritzl, prayer

¶ 5:45 PM 19 Comments Links to this post

This article by Judith Warner in the New York Times, reminded me of a Campus Crusade for Christ radio preacher, Dennis Rainey.

I listened to his program quite faithfully for a few years, because his legalism fitted my hard-line Christianity quite well. He believes in complete immersion in your children’s lives and advocates practices that I now consider dubious, like home schooling.

Judith Warner’s article reminded me of him, because the piece is about a father making a vow before God to protect his daughter’s virginity. And the writer considers it a violation of a private aspect of a teenager’s life: her sexuality.

Needless to say, I wholeheartedly agree with the article. For I find it impractical and a little awkward that a girl would have to even raise the topic of her sexuality with her father.

Denis Rainey, in one his programs, told the story of having attended a chastity evening with one of his daughters. He described how beautiful she looked on their “date” night. He even wrote a poem to her about how much she meant to him.

Even when I was a Christian, I found the father-daughter date nigh a little creepy. A few years later, it sounds to me hugely creepy.

The man whose accent tells you right away that he comes from the Deep South, truly defines legalism, as exemplified by this article he wrote about his concerns over his daughter’s gymnastics schedule.

For a few years, given that I was in so much darkness, I truly believed that being a Christian meant following his steep regulations. He is a strong believer in having the woman stay home and raise the children, in having lots of children, and in having “Christ” at the center of the couple.

My husband and I actually attended one of his couple’s weekends, highly publicized as the way to both save and improve your marriage. Rainey wasn’t there, but the whole weekend, we listened to other quite capable speakers who were very good at passing on his message. They were the sort of people who encourage you to cry, go to the altar for recommitment, and promise that from then on, you would pray with your partner twice every day and three times on Sunday.

The activities that they gave us to improve our marriage were truly unreasonable. We were supposed to write letters to each other and make promises that were also impractical. Honestly, I can’t even remember what they were, because we didn’t do anything. Our marriage wasn’t on the rocks, and my husband is not the “prayer warrior” type. He prefers to sit at the computer for hours on end than to pray or read his Bible. And yes, he is a Christian.

After attending the conference, I started to be skeptical of the Rainey methods and suggestions. As did James Dobson, Rainey further disappointed me after 9/11, when he fiercely advocated invading Iraq and deemed the American wars as holy. Given that I am a Latin American with left-wing tendencies, his political views were sure to be the end of my following of Dennis Rainey.

But truly, he eventually became too strict for even my taste. I remember the time he taught contraception. The pill was a no-no. The Lord didn’t want us putting chemicals in our bodies. The only acceptable method in the eyes of God, he said, was the famous rhythm method that requires the woman to keep track of her periodical changes.

What was wrong with condoms? Like a true macho man, he expressed that condoms weren’t the way God intended for us to enjoy sex. So it was sinful and we should cross it out of our possibility list.

That for me was too much. How did he dare make judgments in behalf of God? Where did he get his authority to go around proclaiming what God wants and what he doesn’t? Who gave him authority to tell me what to do in the bedroom? My husband had a good laugh when I told him about the advice.

The man is a TRUE cult leader. His ideas are so out in the left field that you have to be severely deranged, as I was, to follow him.

I find it unbelievable that, in this day and age, preachers like Rainey are allowed to hit the airwaves. His teachings on child rearing are downright dangerous, advocating child abuse and male domination. Of course, given that so many Christians in the United States agree with him, makes his ministry viable. But he needs to be denounced and exposed.

I encourage anyone who knows of his bizarre teachings to say it aloud. We may not be able to put him out of business, but perhaps someone’s eyes will be open.

¶ 12:05 AM 8 Comments Links to this post

I am back from vacation and my already brownish now tanned complexion screams out that I’ve been to Mexico. Suffering from spicy food withdrawals and yearning for cheap tacos and tortas, I find myself realizing, yet once again, how hard it is for me to give my days some sort of structure.

It is easy when we are on holidays, because my husband is with me 24 by 7. At night we take our travel notes, books, and magazines and plan the next day: this museum, that zoo, those churches. And my husband literally drags me around: he is the energy of this couple. I just go along, spend our money, make him laugh, talk to the locals , and ... I translate.

I must have written on this blog before that I grew up in semi abandonment. My very early years consisted of me getting up, eating, and going to bed, whenever I wanted. There were no adults around to tuck me in bed at a certain time, or to make sure I showered, or to watch my eating habits. I remember the day I discovered commercial sandwich spread. I ate about 10 buns and a small jar of spread in one afternoon. No one noticed.

I always hated going to school, because I had to get up at a certain time, and I had to do homework. But I did it, and once I’d done it and gotten the ‘A,’ I found it rewarding.

Later on I disliked the having to get up early to go to work everyday, but I did it, because I needed and liked the money.

I also often wished I didn't have to go to church on Sundays. But I did it because I really liked it, particularly the singing.

These days I don’t work or go to school or go to church. Freedom finally, right?

Wrong!

I envy those kids who were given structure growing up. Those who went to bed at a certain time, ate meals on a schedule, and got up and showered daily and ate breakfast at the same time everyday.

I suppose deep down inside I know that I need to give my life some sort of structure, but sometimes I think I am too old to learn. I think my inner child yearns for structure, actually. That must be why, every once in a while, I get the urge to join a cult.

Yes, a cult. I’m not kidding.

Sometimes I wish I could live in a group home were I can have regular responsibilities that I must complete. Sometimes I think that I’d like to join some monastery, where the members chant in groups around beautiful, manicured gardens. Or perhaps join a silent meditation group were I would be required to do things on a schedule, with no room for slacking off.

None of that is going to happen for now, since I am a married woman. My husband and I are very close, and I couldn’t be without him, so I am staying put.

But I do wonder why I have those delusions about joining a cult. I wonder why in the world I feel so strongly attracted to rigorous, tough disciplines. It is almost as if my basic nature is that of a person who enjoys following causes and adhering to rules, but someone else's not my own.

I can definitely see why, in a weird sort of way, the type of Christianity I followed fitted me perfectly. It does seem as if I need a strong motivation to stick to something, and when I do, I truly follow.

This thought just popped to mind: I was never parented and I am looking for strong, loving parenting. It’s sad, isn’t it? I’ve heard of self-parenting, but I thought of it as teaching myself wisdom and bits of knowledge, like history. I never saw it as giving myself the discipline I needed in my early years.

I wish there were institutions were grown ups like me went to be parented.

I honestly don’t know what to do about this issue. I will take it up in therapy. But thank you for listening, anyhow. And I promise I won’t join a cult just yet.

¶ 5:27 PM 9 Comments Links to this post

During my holidays, someone posted a Christian response under my article about Elisabeth Fritzl. The Christian posted anonymously, disagreeing with the points I made, of course.

I'd like to respond to that post, since it sounds eerily similar to what I heard in church for too many years.

I strongly disagree that Elisabeth should be spared from the Christian God, because Elisabeth DOES need God. She needs to accept Jesus Christ as her savior because Jesus is the only person Elisabeth can go to who can heal her and give her eternal life. I hope that there are Christian missionaries and organizations in Austria who can go and share the gospel with Elisabeth and her children, and if there aren't, then I express this appeal for Christians to go over to Australia and help Elisabeth and her children. By the way, these writers obviously do not truly understand God. God disapproves of the kind of thing that happened to Elisabeth, and he will bring her father to justice.

She needs to accept Jesus Christ as her savior because Jesus is the only person Elisabeth can go to who can heal her and give her eternal life.

Do you really think that given how Elisabeth’s life has gone so far, she really is interested in living FOREVER? Why is it that Christians think that living forever is such a great reward?

Oh, I know, because hell is the alternative, right? Well, Elisabeth Fritzl has already been to hell and back. But anyway, I do not believe that deluding ourselves with the hope of an afterlife is healthy at all, because it deters us from seeking to live this life in full.

I truly believe that Elisabeth needs to continue to use highly trained psychology professionals and all the love she can find to recover as much as possible from her indelible memories and permanent scars. Jesus won’t be of any help. First, he doesn’t exist, and second, even if he does, he can’t go to Austria to hold her, and tell her that she is alright. Asking her to IMAGINE Jesus would be too much for a person who needs REAL love and understanding. And surrounding her with "loving" Christians would just provide her with a constant, guilt-producing reminder of her inability to imagine and have a relationship with a mythological being.

And no, Jesus can’t heal Elisabeth. I’ve never seen a person who’s been healed by him. I have, however, seen many who've been talked into believing that they’ve been healed. But by looking at these people’s behaviour, anyone who is paying attention can see that they’re struggling with deep issues of low self esteem and troubled social interactions. (See my post on Greg Laurie.)

As for the hell issue, what kind of God would take a wounded Elisabeth Fritzl and send her to hell in revenge for not believing in Him? Even if there were a God, I’m sure that, if He were half-as-nice as any average person, He would hand out free passes for the likes of Elisabeth.

I hope that there are Christian missionaries and organizations in Austria who can go and share the gospel with Elisabeth and her children

Christianity, thankfully, is pretty dead in most of Europe, so, my money in on Elisabeth being spared from the saints.

Seriously, she doesn’t need to be told that she is a sinner condemned to hell and that it is her fault that Jesus was nailed to the cross. She doesn’t need any more guilt than what she already carries.

Allowing a Christian to tell her that she needs to forgive her father as Jesus has forgiven her would be as evil as giving her a gun to kill herself.

I repeat: may she be spared from the cruelty, lack of sensitivity, intolerance, and pressure of well-meaning Christians.

By the way, these writers obviously do not truly understand God. God disapproves of the kind of thing that happened to Elisabeth, and he will bring her father to justice.”

Oh, really? We don’t understand, huh?

I think it is you who doesn’t understand that we’ve been where you are and have done what you are doing. Your preaching here falls in deaf in ears because we truly have read it or heard it millions of times during Sunday and Wednesday services, TV programs, radio shows, Christian and Easter productions, and hundreds of books we’ve read—including the infamous Bible.

No, you don’t understand.

If God were for real He would have rescued Elisabeth—or let her die—a long time ago. And God will not bring Fritzl to justice, society already has, because, well, God was nowhere to be found, so the police had to do it. The fact that God disapproves of it is completely irrelevant given that He failed to do anything about it.

You also don’t understand that bringing the father to justice does not give the daughter back all the lost years, or her mental or physical health, or the health and happiness of her children.

Your wish that she becomes a Christian sounds cruel and insensitive. It shows that you’re a True Christian, a representative of an intolerant, ruthless faith that claims to reach out to the downtrodden, when it is actually an instrument of oppression and guilt. In the past it was the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Witch Hunts, and the African American slavery. Nowadays the victims are women whom the religion keeps as second-class citizens, children who are sexually assaulted by priests, pastors, and Christian leaders, and all victims of abuse--physical, sexual, or verbal--who are forced to forgive their victimizers and feel guilty for the crimes perpetrated on them.

Shame on the Christian church.

Labels: abuse, Christianity, Fritzl, healing, incest, Jesus

¶ 12:15 PM 4 Comments Links to this post